As a parent of a victim of child sexual abuse, I am unfortunately familiar with the predatory details of the Jerry Sandusky scandal and the trial.
My daughter Lauren was sexually, emotionally and physically abused from 11 to 17 by our family nanny. When Lauren finally came out about the abuse I was shocked, angry and overwhelmingly distraught that I had not protected my child – my baby girl – from this awful trauma. Not only had I not protected her, I had brought the perpetrator into our home.
From this horrible experience, Lauren and I have worked to end child sexual abuse through our foundation, Lauren’s Kids since 2007. We have worked for the passage of laws to better protect children and to provide funding to help victims.
As a parent who has gone through the aftermath of sexual abuse and studied a lot about pedophile tactics, the allegations against Jerry Sandusky are a classic case of child sexual predator and pedophile grooming. The prosecution has done well in explaining the consistent and predictable grooming process that Jerry Sandusky employed – from building trust with his victims, to currying favor and control by buying them gifts and giving them access to the Penn State football program, and then forcing them to participate in sex acts and then remain quiet about it.
Jerry Sandusky groomed his victims so well that some of them have kept in touch with him as recently as two years ago. Many from the defense are asking why would they, in fact, do such a thing if it were true that Jerry Sandusky had sexually abused them. But that is how predators work. They manipulate children and control them by bribing, brainwashing, threatening, controlling and embarrassing them.
During testimony last week, it became clear that Jerry Sandusky would take his victims to Penn State football games or surprise them with extraordinary gifts as part of his M.O. and then force them to participate in sexual activities with him. His victims thought that it was the price they had to pay in order to be made to feel special. Sandusky was the father figure that his victims had never had, and they didn’t want to lose the perks he added to their lives. All part of the control they create. Victim #7 said during testimony, ”I didn’t want to upset Mr. Sandusky in any way.”
Sandusky’s victims were pleasers, and he knew it and it was much the way Lauren was, i.e. a pleaser. He exploited the children’s desire to maintain a good relationship with him and used that knowledge to take advantage of them sexually. Sandusky’s accusers acknowledge that he gave them things they never had. As an expert in this field now, I can tell you that is exactly what predators do and rely on.
Unfortunately, many people think that it is ‘all over’ when the victims get their day in court. But that is the furthest thing from the truth. The victims have a long road of recovery ahead of them, and my heart goes out to them and their families. Predators often get the benefit of the doubt because of the statue of limitations, but there is no statue of limitations for victims.
Excellent, concise and accurate portrayal of how predators operate and how that leads to potentially counter-intuitive behavior on the part of victims. I’m very sorry your family endured this, but I applaud you for doing so much for so many others. I had the honor of working with survivors as an SVU prosecutor for years- best job I ever had.
As a victim and a Mother of two victims of this type of crime I know what you and your family are going through and I think this is a good cause
Lauren and Ronald I applaud what your foundation is doing. It’s sad that even children are used by pedophiles to get their friends under the influence of the pedophile.
Timely and eloquently poignant. Well done Ron and Lauren! Keep up the good work.
Ron,you and your daughter are doing a wonderful job. Thank you for making everyone aware.
AriI’ve been waiting paltentiy for you to write about this scandal. And while I’m not totally surprised, I am a bit saddened by your cynicism. Of course the initial reaction is going to be outrage. How else can anyone react to a crime like this in any way but a visceral one? I do agree that much of the media response seems to be one-upping each other about how angry they are, but what is the alternative? To shrug their shoulders, say shit happens, then move on? I spent last weekend up to my eyeballs in comment wars on Facebook about the scandal, particularly in response to Charles P. Pierce’s piece The Brutal Truth About Penn State. Much of the reaction was similar to yours, that the piece was yet another self-serving writer trying to say, if you think you’re mad, read this! Pierce’s inflammatory language and shaky organization probably didn’t help his cause, but this quote in particular is an interesting (compliment? contradiction? not sure yet) to your point: It is not a failure of our institutions so much as it is a window into what they have become — soulless, profit-driven monsters, Darwinian predators with precious little humanity left in them. Yes, institutions are created by humans and thus have human flaws. But the sheer number of people involved in an institution, you would think, acts as a system of checks and balances to weed out the ugliness of humanity. Or, like in this case (and in the real world, let’s face it), the number of people in institutions just gives bad seeds bigger walls to hide behind. I’m starting to lose track of what I’m responding to, so I’ll just say this: Part of the reason why people react so vehemently to this is not just because this man was allowed to continue committing crimes the most helpless of people, but because it reveals flaws in our own humanity. The outrage is necessary, I think, to hopefully inspire people to consider their own institutions and moral shortcomings.
justice has been served.
The racial and class disearitps of the victims are certainly an inconvenient truth of this tragedy. It is not surprising that this conversation has not been brought to the forefront during the media’s coverage. The media seems to be more concerned with the superfical issue of Penn State’s football legacy then the trauma caused to the victims who were as young as 8 years old. The lens is definitely out of focus on this issue, and it is more evident that post racial myths and fear of class warfare have more to do with this than the majority is willing to admit.
“Because of these brave men, the public now knows much more about the horrors of childhood sexual abuse, better understands the challenges survivors face, and more fully appreciates the importance of holding child sexual abuse offenders and all those who protect them accountable,” attorneys Justine Andronici and Andrew Shubin wrote in a statement.
Helpful information. Fortunate me I discovered your web site accidentally, and I’m surprised why this coincidence didn’t took place earlier! I bookmarked it.
“Because of these brave men, the public now knows much more about the horrors of childhood sexual abuse, better understands the challenges survivors face, and more fully appreciates the importance of holding child sexual abuse offenders and all those who protect them accountable,” attorneys Justine Andronici and Andrew Shubin wrote in a statement.